2020... I mean... ????

Hi Everyone, 

It has been way too long since I've written. What therapy it has always been for me to write... I know I have touched on this before. Whether it be in form of journal, song, a few random thoughts on a piece of paper, a letter to someone etc... So here we are, May 24, 2020 and what a whirlwind of a year thus far. I truly don't have words and actually feel like this might be a very short post because of that fact. I'm going to just type the words as they come into my head right now. Please bare with me as this won't be the most thought-out post...  

As a family we were so excited for 2020. We had nothing super special planned but for some reason, for years, my husband and I always said, "When 2020 comes, this is what we want to achieve or When 2020 comes, this is where we want to move, or When 2020 comes, we will have traveled to this many places. 

Well, as the rest of this beautiful WORLD can agree, 2020 has been a shock, a disappointment, a learning curve, sad, nerve-wracking. The fear of the unknown. The fear of not knowing when we will see our families again. The fear of our children missing out, missing human interaction, the fear of losing jobs, the fear of our safety and the WORLD'S safety. There has been a lot of anxiety in the unknown and what this virus has done and brought to us all. 

Then on the other hand, 2020 has been a loving time. A time of reconnecting virtually with long lost friends through Zoom sessions, long phone calls with family, the ability to literally be able to relate with every single person on this planet in being scared of what's to come, intimate and wonderful time with my husband and 2 children (who have said on multiple occasions during this lock down that they have had some of the best days of their lives) We finish the day of staying in the house yet again, playing and laughing and my 4 year old will look up at me and say "this was the best day Mom" and the innocence and sincerity in her comments warms my heart. To know she isn't anxious and that we are able to shield her and Ben from that, at least for now, makes me feel happy and at ease. That for now, all that these kids need are their parents. Will and I were talking about how we probably would have never been given the chance to be all together for this long and I know years from now we will look back at this time and smile at all the memories we ended up creating inside these 4 walls. 

As we have now been on lockdown for a few months, I'm ready to know what next phases are... The anxiety is starting to creep in more now in the fact that we have no idea when we will be able to see our family again... When can we travel without worrying? Will school start up again soon for our children? There are so many unknowns that all I can do is take a deep breath and know this too shall pass and keep living and being present with my family. I am sending all my love and hugs to you all and can't wait to be able to hug every single loved one of mine, and even smiling strangers haha as soon as possible. I miss this world, and  all of the people in it. Until we meet again, everyone stay safe! 

xoxo