Friendships in your 30's?

 Friendships in your 30s

I've wanted to write about this topic for awhile now - but it didn't quite fit the realm of the theme of this blog which is: 'Sisterhood of the traveling Moms'.  Considering we've been in the midst of a pandemic for over a year now, there has been no traveling for this Momma and I've really missed writing so here we go... 

Why are friendships so hard in your 30's? I ask myself this question a lot. I have never been one to need a ton of friends. I have, however, always yearned for at least a few quality friends at each stage of my life. I have been so fortunate to have met such strong, incredible, impactful, loving, loyal, worldly, interested, kind humans in my life. Having lived in Belgium from 10-18, we as a community at the International School, were so used to people coming and going in and out of our lives. It made us extremely adaptable as kids. It made us understanding and accepting of differences, cultures, languages, experiences. It was like we were in this unique bubble together and it was in that bubble where my best friendships were made. Still to this day, I can say, these people are my people and my forever friends. If we go years without seeing one another, without a doubt when we get together- no time has past. 

When I moved back to Florida for University at 18, it was a bit more difficult to make friends. I was now in a completely different environment, going to school with peers who had mainly grown up in Florida. I didn't share 'common ground' with many of them and I felt as though I had to find my way and for a bit of time, felt as though I was losing myself in the process of trying to 'find myself'. I now realise that my immediate friendships were those with people who had traveled or had come from a different State or Country. Diversity- that was my comfort zone. I lived for being surrounded by people who could challenge me, understand me, teach me. Slowly but surely, I did find 'my people' there and a few forever friends  and I look back at those college days fondly- there were definitely bumps in the road but overall, it was an incredible journey of growing from a teenage girl into an independent woman. 

When I moved to the UAE at 23, I remember my first day at work. Hearing all of the different accents while I was sitting at my desk, at my first office, doing my first ever 'real' job- and I remember feeling like I was at home. Like I was right where I should be. :) In 2 months, I'll have lived here for 10 years. A decade! This is the longest I've ever lived somewhere consecutive years wise. I have had quite a journey but I feel that in terms of friendships- it hasn't been the easiest. 

Why? The only reason that pops up in my mind frequently is 'life happens'. I had my first kid at 28 and I feel a shift happened after that. I wasn't living for myself anymore- I was living for her. Any pettiness in friendships- I didn't have time for it. It was like this strength came over me and I felt that if it wasn't a give and take relationship- I was ok with those relationships eventually fading and they did. I also felt like my friends who didn't have kids, no longer made an effort. I wasn't invited anywhere anymore, or friends who I had been used to speaking to daily, stopped calling. It was also on me in that I was so busy with a newborn that I wouldn't be in touch with friends either... but a good friend would understand that and reach out and ask how this new role of motherhood was going. In an instant, my whole world changed. I was ok with that though because I had this beautiful daughter and she was my whole world ( she still is and now I call her my bestest little girlfriend and now my son- my bestest little boyfriend). I do remember feeling disappointed though- why did that happen? I was still me. ??? 

I want to go back to my point earlier of 'quality' friends. I know what they look like because I'm so lucky to say that I have an amazing group of them. Most, I've known for almost 20 years and wow, are they incredible friends. I know what the standard is of a lifelong friend. So, I think what happens in our 30's is we have families, we have to cancel plans sometimes, or adjust plans- misunderstanding might take place and people no longer have the energy to confront those misunderstandings cause let's face it, who has time for feeling even more 'guilt' in their lives? or pettiness? Not me, that's for sure. I have lost a few relationships here- some I have been able to rebuild again- which is always an amazing feeling when  there is a mutual respect and new understanding for one another and you both put in the effort. Others have not been mended which is upsetting but a great friend once told me (you know who you are) 'seasons, reasons, lifetime'... whichever one of those categories
my friends fall under, we will always have the memories and I'll always look back at them and smile. 

Life happens, and friendships do become more difficult to make and maintain especially when families grow. But true, quality friends are there, cheering you on through it all. I know who those friends are and I'll never let them go :)  

I'd love to here other ideas on this or shared experiences!!! Please comment if you have the time. :)