Baby Blues
Every now and then I think of an experience I have been through and want to write about that isn't based around traveling, but rather Motherhood. I wrote a post about pretty much being sleep deprived a few months ago and felt the theme of it goes nicely with the Title and bond we share as Moms or rather a'Sisterhood of Moms.'
Today I want to go a little out of my comfort zone and speak up about my experience with 'baby blues'. I still feel like there is this stigma around the topic and there truly shouldn't be. It is good to talk about and to speak up if you are struggling, as hard as it may be. It helps to know we are in this together, you are not alone.
There are so many emotions after having a new baby and your body is healing, recovering. Emotionally and physically you are adapting to a new normal. I think there is not so much an expectation, but a pressure to be a 'perfect' Mom these days, as we are bombarded with so much perfection on social media. This is not a realistic way to think. It is ok to be having a hard time and to voice it in which ever way you feel most comfortable. I am lucky that I have amazing friends and family who I felt comfortable to reach out to when I was feeling low... I have never been one to keep my emotions bottled up and I am happy that I don't.
I want to share my story with you... as nervous as I am to do so. Here goes nothing...
After my first baby, Olivia, was born, I truly was on cloud 9. I was immediately connected and in absolute love with this baby girl of mine. I had 10 weeks to spend with her before going back to work and I soaked up every second of being with her and getting to know her. I feel like we were best friends right from the start. When I went back to work, which was the most amazing work situation possible- I teach nursery so Olivia could come with me, we were just a few classrooms apart, and my working day finished at 1 pm... BUT, when the time came to part ways for just a few hours, I was still completely heartbroken ... I thought this is just not right. I did overcome this anxiety of leaving her after the first week and just gave myself a pep talk and it ended up being a beautiful experience of work/life balance. That week was truly the only time period after having Olivia that I struggled with being sad.
Since I had such a beautiful experience with Livi after birth, I figured it would be just the same after Ben was born.
It wasn't the same.
I had a hard time. For about 3 months I beat myself up about how sad I was feeling.
When Ben came into the world, I started crying moments before his arrival into this world because I knew all of the love I was about to feel all at once.
And I did, I fell in immediate absolute love with our Baby Ben. The connection was always there too. Even once we arrived back home, he was so so calm and sweet natured, everything felt easy and like we were adjusting really well. Never once did my sadness stem from the kids, or feeling as though we weren't connecting. They are the 2 people who got me through my days and constantly made me smile.
My husband pretty much had to go straight back to work after Ben was born but luckily my Mom was coming for 3 weeks to help out- which was amazing. However, even when my Mom was here- pure exhaustion hit me. I had a 2 1/2 year old who needed to be run after all day and an infant who pretty much was breastfeeding the entire night. I felt like he wasn't getting full at night and just didn't take a break. This was new for me... was I not producing enough milk for him? Was he just a hungry baby? I was completely and utterly exhausted. I started stressing about bottle feeding him... should I transition him to formula? Would that mean I was being a worse Mom to him compared to Olivia? Am I paying Olivia enough attention? While I kept smiling and playing as normal with Olivia and caring for Ben as best I could, not crying through the day... I was so sad inside and felt I was falling short. I would also cry a lot at night. I did not feel like myself. I could not snap out of this sadness and the disappointment I was feeling in myself.
Once my Mom left, we had a big move to make to an Emirate called Al Ain which is about an hour and a half away from Dubai. My husband was starting a new job and I was fortunate enough to be able to stay at home with the kids this past year- which is something I've always wanted since having the kids- to spend an entire year with them with no other responsibilities except to solely be present with them. It has been an incredible year but the adjustment took some time.
We had moved in the dead of summer here, with a newborn, 2 1/2 year old, and no friends or any idea of where anything was. Will started work literally the day after we moved here. I felt completely alone.
There was another thing I was struggling with (and this might sound superficial) but being 20 pounds overweight after having a baby isn't fun at all. It took me 14 months to get to pre-baby weight after Olivia was born. And when I thought maybe that's how long I'd be carrying around the extra 20 pounds after Ben was born was a tough pill to swallow. I know that might sound ridiculous to some, but not only did I not feel like myself from the inside, but I didn't feel like myself on the outside either.
I still did the best I could do... I ended up giving myself a break and switched Ben to formula milk. I went back and forth with this decision for weeks and the sweet boy just was not getting full and I was just not sleeping. When I made this switch, Ben started feeding every 4 hours and I remember doing a victory dance! I had been worried for no reason and it didn't make me a bad Mom for doing this (I had to keep telling myself this) it worked beautifully for us. Our Ben is a happy, healthy, chunky baby and now at 1, he eats absolutely everything! I am proud of the decision I made and it did make a difference to my attitude because I was getting a little bit of sleep finally.
What really made things better, was that as soon as Ben's passport was done, I booked a flight home to Idaho to be with my Mom and siblings for a month. This was just what I needed, to be around family, fresh air, and with lots to do outside with my babies! I could talk to my Mom and didn't feel alone anymore. Because I finally had other people around me, I could take a little 'me time' if I wanted.
The month back at home was almost like the pep talk I gave to myself the week after I went back to work with Olivia. That month gave me a chance to breathe again and I felt a load be lifted off of my shoulders. I came back to UAE more myself and happier. The weather was better and was starting to cool down- so I was able to do lots of activities outside, we got into a routine, and slowly but surely I got back to myself. I got back to being happy and from that point on I have completely and utterly adored spending this past year solely just soaking up these gorgeous kids that I am lucky enough to call mine. I am beyond grateful for all that I have and know just how lucky we are.
If anyone is going through this rough patch, it is okay to talk about it... Speaking up about feeling sad does not make you weak- It makes you STRONG!
It really does help to find just 1 person to listen to what you are going through, to take some "me time", to step outside and breathe or shout, to run, partake in a hobby even if for 30 minutes... to help you get 1 step closer to your happier self.
Cheers to you, Moms! XOXO
Today I want to go a little out of my comfort zone and speak up about my experience with 'baby blues'. I still feel like there is this stigma around the topic and there truly shouldn't be. It is good to talk about and to speak up if you are struggling, as hard as it may be. It helps to know we are in this together, you are not alone.
There are so many emotions after having a new baby and your body is healing, recovering. Emotionally and physically you are adapting to a new normal. I think there is not so much an expectation, but a pressure to be a 'perfect' Mom these days, as we are bombarded with so much perfection on social media. This is not a realistic way to think. It is ok to be having a hard time and to voice it in which ever way you feel most comfortable. I am lucky that I have amazing friends and family who I felt comfortable to reach out to when I was feeling low... I have never been one to keep my emotions bottled up and I am happy that I don't.
I want to share my story with you... as nervous as I am to do so. Here goes nothing...
After my first baby, Olivia, was born, I truly was on cloud 9. I was immediately connected and in absolute love with this baby girl of mine. I had 10 weeks to spend with her before going back to work and I soaked up every second of being with her and getting to know her. I feel like we were best friends right from the start. When I went back to work, which was the most amazing work situation possible- I teach nursery so Olivia could come with me, we were just a few classrooms apart, and my working day finished at 1 pm... BUT, when the time came to part ways for just a few hours, I was still completely heartbroken ... I thought this is just not right. I did overcome this anxiety of leaving her after the first week and just gave myself a pep talk and it ended up being a beautiful experience of work/life balance. That week was truly the only time period after having Olivia that I struggled with being sad.
Since I had such a beautiful experience with Livi after birth, I figured it would be just the same after Ben was born.
It wasn't the same.
I had a hard time. For about 3 months I beat myself up about how sad I was feeling.
When Ben came into the world, I started crying moments before his arrival into this world because I knew all of the love I was about to feel all at once.
And I did, I fell in immediate absolute love with our Baby Ben. The connection was always there too. Even once we arrived back home, he was so so calm and sweet natured, everything felt easy and like we were adjusting really well. Never once did my sadness stem from the kids, or feeling as though we weren't connecting. They are the 2 people who got me through my days and constantly made me smile.
My husband pretty much had to go straight back to work after Ben was born but luckily my Mom was coming for 3 weeks to help out- which was amazing. However, even when my Mom was here- pure exhaustion hit me. I had a 2 1/2 year old who needed to be run after all day and an infant who pretty much was breastfeeding the entire night. I felt like he wasn't getting full at night and just didn't take a break. This was new for me... was I not producing enough milk for him? Was he just a hungry baby? I was completely and utterly exhausted. I started stressing about bottle feeding him... should I transition him to formula? Would that mean I was being a worse Mom to him compared to Olivia? Am I paying Olivia enough attention? While I kept smiling and playing as normal with Olivia and caring for Ben as best I could, not crying through the day... I was so sad inside and felt I was falling short. I would also cry a lot at night. I did not feel like myself. I could not snap out of this sadness and the disappointment I was feeling in myself.
Once my Mom left, we had a big move to make to an Emirate called Al Ain which is about an hour and a half away from Dubai. My husband was starting a new job and I was fortunate enough to be able to stay at home with the kids this past year- which is something I've always wanted since having the kids- to spend an entire year with them with no other responsibilities except to solely be present with them. It has been an incredible year but the adjustment took some time.
We had moved in the dead of summer here, with a newborn, 2 1/2 year old, and no friends or any idea of where anything was. Will started work literally the day after we moved here. I felt completely alone.
There was another thing I was struggling with (and this might sound superficial) but being 20 pounds overweight after having a baby isn't fun at all. It took me 14 months to get to pre-baby weight after Olivia was born. And when I thought maybe that's how long I'd be carrying around the extra 20 pounds after Ben was born was a tough pill to swallow. I know that might sound ridiculous to some, but not only did I not feel like myself from the inside, but I didn't feel like myself on the outside either.
I still did the best I could do... I ended up giving myself a break and switched Ben to formula milk. I went back and forth with this decision for weeks and the sweet boy just was not getting full and I was just not sleeping. When I made this switch, Ben started feeding every 4 hours and I remember doing a victory dance! I had been worried for no reason and it didn't make me a bad Mom for doing this (I had to keep telling myself this) it worked beautifully for us. Our Ben is a happy, healthy, chunky baby and now at 1, he eats absolutely everything! I am proud of the decision I made and it did make a difference to my attitude because I was getting a little bit of sleep finally.
What really made things better, was that as soon as Ben's passport was done, I booked a flight home to Idaho to be with my Mom and siblings for a month. This was just what I needed, to be around family, fresh air, and with lots to do outside with my babies! I could talk to my Mom and didn't feel alone anymore. Because I finally had other people around me, I could take a little 'me time' if I wanted.
The month back at home was almost like the pep talk I gave to myself the week after I went back to work with Olivia. That month gave me a chance to breathe again and I felt a load be lifted off of my shoulders. I came back to UAE more myself and happier. The weather was better and was starting to cool down- so I was able to do lots of activities outside, we got into a routine, and slowly but surely I got back to myself. I got back to being happy and from that point on I have completely and utterly adored spending this past year solely just soaking up these gorgeous kids that I am lucky enough to call mine. I am beyond grateful for all that I have and know just how lucky we are.
If anyone is going through this rough patch, it is okay to talk about it... Speaking up about feeling sad does not make you weak- It makes you STRONG!
It really does help to find just 1 person to listen to what you are going through, to take some "me time", to step outside and breathe or shout, to run, partake in a hobby even if for 30 minutes... to help you get 1 step closer to your happier self.
Cheers to you, Moms! XOXO
 |
| Our beautiful Ben just days old |
 |
| A whole year later! These babies are my whole world |
Comments
Post a Comment